I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
