two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
