Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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