He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
