Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
