hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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