too bad you live with your parents still
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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