I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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