I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
