the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize