He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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