is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
