The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
