walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
