my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
