glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
