what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
time to smoke my breakfast
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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