i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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