Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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