Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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