I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
