It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
