I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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