I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
