Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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