I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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