oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
