She's JV to your varsity
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize