Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
