he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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