I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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