3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
