well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
