On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
