I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
