would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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