I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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