fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I AM VODKA MAN
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
