this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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