Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
