I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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