There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
