if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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