I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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