so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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