I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
