Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
