Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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