Already got asked if we're dating
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
