four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
