I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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