Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize