i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
