Ketchup is God's man juice
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
