The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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