Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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