He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
