and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
