I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
