Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
