just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
