dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
