I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
