why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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